Question
What does it mean to "reinvent" yourself?
Answer
It is actually a fairly simple idea. I don't agree with Jeremy Liew that radical behavioral change is needed.
People fundamentally don't change behaviors that are difficult to change. They change the easy, superficial ones.
But changing the easy, superficial behaviors can lead to drastic apparent reinvention. This is because our social lives are governed by our outsides, not our insides. 90% of reinvention involves this kind of mask change. 10%... I'll get to that.
For most people, this type of easy reinvention/mask change happens when they are given an opportunity to wipe the slate clean in a new social context and adopt new behaviors that they were always capable of, but couldn't adopt in the previous social context because they were trapped in a given social identity.
Examples include: moving to a new city or job (or school, for a student). Reinvention types I've seen happen:
Why can't you suddenly change in the situation you are in now? Because you have a social identity already: a set of expectations and beliefs people have about you. Your change will only be successful if your friends, enemies and acquaintances buy it.
And even if they genuinely want to support you, they fundamentally cannot easily buy it, because social life is based on the fiction that people are constants rather than changing entities. Once the suspension of disbelief is broken, it is hard to turn it back on. People are wary of you, because you've shown some instability.
But when you have a true reboot opportunity, there is no preconceived social identity to fight. You can be anything you think you can reasonably pull off. It's not particularly hard: a complete look makeover takes an afternoon, and once you are in new clothes and a new haircut, and navigate a first day at a new place with an uncomfortable "put on" personality (say you decide to be much more friendly and outgoing, a common reinvention goal), you grow into that personality like it's a new pair of shoes.
You also get a chance to re-arrange your life in a new apartment to match your new needs, which is harder to do if you are in the same place.
The only minor difficulty to manage is when you run into old friends. But most buy your new personality because they do things like that themselves. It is socially acceptable to re-invent yourself with a new mask in a new social setting.
Personally, I've had about 8-10 reboot opportunities and attempted (and pulled off) mask reinventions 3-4 times. I've also tried one mask re-invention without changing context, and it earned me wariness and suspicion for the rest of my time in that context (which was fortunately only a year).
What about the remaining 10%?
That's the drastic, deep reinvention. It's a creative destructive transformation/rebirth. It typically needs a powerful transformational experience, usually a hugely stressful or traumatic one where you run out of options and are forced to re-invent from inside out just to survive. It's the kind of transformation that Nietzsche wrote about.
I've had one experience of that type. It is not pretty or pleasant, but when you are done, you do feel completely reborn. It is not like shaving off a mustache.
People fundamentally don't change behaviors that are difficult to change. They change the easy, superficial ones.
But changing the easy, superficial behaviors can lead to drastic apparent reinvention. This is because our social lives are governed by our outsides, not our insides. 90% of reinvention involves this kind of mask change. 10%... I'll get to that.
For most people, this type of easy reinvention/mask change happens when they are given an opportunity to wipe the slate clean in a new social context and adopt new behaviors that they were always capable of, but couldn't adopt in the previous social context because they were trapped in a given social identity.
Examples include: moving to a new city or job (or school, for a student). Reinvention types I've seen happen:
- Wimpy guys suddenly turning into gym jocks
- Serious guys turning into wise-cracking jokesters, and vice-versa
- Shy guys suddenly turning into pick-up artists
- Frumpy girls suddenly getting a makeover and a new wardrobe and turning into hot property
- A doormat employee turning into an assertive go-getter at a new workplace
- A nerd turning into a popular kid at a new school
- A popular kid turning into a nerd at a new school
- Immigrants in new countries drastically changing their accents and learning new cultural skills to fit in
- Quiet people turning talkative
- Followers turning into leaders, and vice versa
- Shaving off a mustache or beard, or growing one, and/or getting a new haircut (yes, this can have drastic consequences... it was probably the main move for me personally in my "Americanization")
Why can't you suddenly change in the situation you are in now? Because you have a social identity already: a set of expectations and beliefs people have about you. Your change will only be successful if your friends, enemies and acquaintances buy it.
And even if they genuinely want to support you, they fundamentally cannot easily buy it, because social life is based on the fiction that people are constants rather than changing entities. Once the suspension of disbelief is broken, it is hard to turn it back on. People are wary of you, because you've shown some instability.
But when you have a true reboot opportunity, there is no preconceived social identity to fight. You can be anything you think you can reasonably pull off. It's not particularly hard: a complete look makeover takes an afternoon, and once you are in new clothes and a new haircut, and navigate a first day at a new place with an uncomfortable "put on" personality (say you decide to be much more friendly and outgoing, a common reinvention goal), you grow into that personality like it's a new pair of shoes.
You also get a chance to re-arrange your life in a new apartment to match your new needs, which is harder to do if you are in the same place.
The only minor difficulty to manage is when you run into old friends. But most buy your new personality because they do things like that themselves. It is socially acceptable to re-invent yourself with a new mask in a new social setting.
Personally, I've had about 8-10 reboot opportunities and attempted (and pulled off) mask reinventions 3-4 times. I've also tried one mask re-invention without changing context, and it earned me wariness and suspicion for the rest of my time in that context (which was fortunately only a year).
What about the remaining 10%?
That's the drastic, deep reinvention. It's a creative destructive transformation/rebirth. It typically needs a powerful transformational experience, usually a hugely stressful or traumatic one where you run out of options and are forced to re-invent from inside out just to survive. It's the kind of transformation that Nietzsche wrote about.
I've had one experience of that type. It is not pretty or pleasant, but when you are done, you do feel completely reborn. It is not like shaving off a mustache.